Aziz Ansari thinks so.
I have several friends who aren’t going to get married. Their reasons are varied, but most of them have been married before. They don’t want to go through the legal hassle of getting married (and I suppose, potentially divorced?) again.
I have never been married, but I believe in the institution. My life plan includes a wedding. I understand my friends who are different, I really do. But it makes for a sticky situation.
What do you call your significant other, if not husband/wife?
- Girlfriend/boyfriend. Problem: Kids have boyfriends. It’s the same word when you’re 14 as it is when you’re 40, but usually the circumstances are different.
- Partner. Problem: I didn’t know you were gay! You were just using her gender when discussing her, now she’s a partner, dude? I’m confused.
- Significant other. Problem: What. A. Mouthful.
- Love. Problem: Too cheesy. You can’t really even say it in conversation.
- Husband/wife. Depending on the crowd, this could ruffle some feathers, but it could also lead to less confusion overall. Maybe you don’t want to talk about the reason you aren’t getting married.
- Fiancee. This is my favorite, because it implies a certain level of seriousness, and does not typically lead to a conversation about bridesmaids and taffeta.
Are you in a serious-but-not-going-to-get-married relationship?
What do you call your other half?
Watch this Ted video to see how Amy Webb hacked online dating. There is a system!
Goodness gracious. It seems like everyone already has their own groups of friends. I remember going out with friends to bars where everyone else was also out with their friends, and nobody was talking to anyone else.
It makes you wonder, doesn’t it? If not online dating, where can we meet someone special?
I mean, there’s the gym, sure. But have you ever hit on anyone at the gym without it being awkward? “Oh, hey, how much can you bench press?” In fact, the only time anyone has ever even talked to me at the gym it was because he was a personal trainer and I was doing something very wrong.
Then I switched to yoga, which is not a place to meet men.
A lot of couples I know have met their special someone at work. That makes sense, there’s at least a little common ground. You have something to say to each other right off the bat! And if it’s not a fun working environment, that’s actually even better. Commiserating over happy hour leads to talking about life, then leads to a date, maybe.
But what if you work in an office of five? Where everyone except you is married? That was me. That was my story.
Perhaps the coffee shop? Or the bar? Or even the grocery store? What things do you do on a daily basis that would have you running into people you’d like to meet?
Those weren’t viable options for me. I live a quiet, frugal life, and I didn’t want to change that. At all. I could hardly be bothered to spend $20 in the hopes that doing so would have me bump into the man of my dreams.
Go for a walk. Go for a jog. Ride your bicycle. Explore. You’re definitely not going to meet anyone in your pajamas at home (except on the internet!) so you should get yourself out in public where you can be seen.
However, sometimes this isn’t possible. And it’s certainly not easy. I’m an extrovert, but sometimes it’s hard to leave the comfort and coziness of my own home to get outside. Plus, if your mentality is “okay, I’ll go for a walk and hopefully I will meet someone” you give off the vibe of desperation. And neediness. And you’ll come home feeling winded, let down, and exhausted.
We live in such an odd time of history. In order to meet a neighbor for a cup of coffee, I can’t just go to the coffee shop. I have to go home, and start marketing myself as someone who would be a good companion for a cup of coffee.
So, I headed online. Have you tried online dating? What were your experiences?
Anne, from Unique Gifter, came up with a fabulous wedding gift idea.
If you’re buying something boring off the registry, choose sheets, and make it fun.
Buy the sheets.
Understand that sheets are something people don’t like to buy for themselves. If I could register for presents (no, I won’t, I’m not Carrie Bradshaw!) then I would always have fancy sheets on my list.
But I don’t like buying them myself. Nor do most brides and grooms, it turns out.
So, why not make it fun and awesome?
Click here to view the whole post. It’s a really fun way to buy something boring, and make it fun.
I would do it for my sister and her husband-to-be! I would LOVE to be on the receiving end of a present like this! How fun!
I’m venturing into the wild world of online dating, and I find that it is filled with more questions as I go along.
Namely, the first date.
Who should pay?
Back in the olden days, the boy asks the girl out, and since the boy is the only one with the money, he of course buys the milkshake and the burger. Easy. Simple. Girls never asked boys out, and they certainly didn’t meet anywhere other than the school or dance competitions.
Yes indeed, the olden days in my mind are exactly like Grease. Thank you, Olivia Newton John.
But now, on these various dating sites (Match or How About We) the rules have changed, and probably for the better. The logic goes like this. If you are a female, you will get all kinds of gentlemen (and some sleazeballs) sending you winks, pokes, intrigues and whatnot. Some will send you emails. My favorite one thus far? “Email me back, I will do ANYTHING you want.”
But, it usually goes a little something like this:
Person one initiates contact.
Person two responds, adds cute witty things, pokes a little fun at something in the other’s profile.
Person one responds, shows how they can take a joke and dish it back out.
They decide to meet. Meeting should happen sooner rather than later. Otherwise you just put a bunch of effort into building rapport with someone you don’t find a physical connection with. And, call me shallow, but that’s important. Sunglasses and a hat disguise very easily what a guy looks like in person. And women are just as bad, from what I’ve heard. Using pictures from 20 pounds ago is deceitful.
Who pays? Person one, always? Does gender matter? Does the person who suggests meeting have to assume they are footing the bill?
Is that why most people just want to meet for a drink?
I’ve found, based on… hmm, I should have kept better track… five first dates from the internet, that the norm is to split the cost.
And that’s fine with me. I’m never suggesting we go out for caviar and then to a steakhouse, so I’m comfortable paying my share. In fact, I think it’s prudent to carry enough cash to cover your part. Or tip, if you find someone who insists on paying.
And gentlemen? You will stand out in the crowd if you insist on paying.
I suppose I always thought the back and forth was part of the script.
You know, the script:
Me, reaching for my purse: “do you want to split this?”
You: “No thanks.”
Me: “Are you sure?”
You: “Yes, I’m sure.”
Me: “Thank you.”
But it turns out, that script is from the olden days. Now it’s more like, do you want to split it? Sure. Sometimes he’s the one that asks if I want to split it.
Lest you read into this and think I’m a good-for-nothing gold digger, let me be clear: I am an independent woman who can pay my own way. I can even buy a condo (with help). I can certainly afford my five-dollar drink or ten-dollar burger. But it’s a very nice gesture if you offer to take care of it. I don’t expect to meet someone who will swoop in and solve all my money problems. And that’s typically not what a first date is about.
So, who should pay for the first date? Either split it, or take care of it. And if you want my advice? Treating someone gets you brownie points.