All right, so I’m not exactly a dating expert (I said it so you don’t have to!) but I have spent a fair amount of time playing the dating game. So, I feel at least a little qualified to give dating advice.
Buying a girl a drink at a dance club only ensures that they get a free drink.
Guys, this one’s for you. I overheard a guy lamenting his bad luck. How he bought a girl a few whiskey drinks, and she wanted to dance. So he followed her. And, what do you know? She danced with someone else. I could have predicted that, even in the retelling.
The last time I was at a dance club, I was there with a few girlfriends. One guy decided to dance and befriend us. He couldn’t decide which of us he liked best, so he bought each of us a drink. That was appreciated, to be certain, but it was a fruitless effort. He eventually asked one of the girls for her number. The joke that night was on him, since the girl he chose is not interested in men. That was four drinks he didn’t have to buy.
A better choice, if you’re still feeling generous, is to buy a girl a drink at a place where you can hear her answer when you ask her name. Dance at dance clubs. Talk at other bars. And don’t be a creep. If you buy a drink, do it because you are being kind, not because your $4 gesture means you are owed anything.
This is a game, and it’s best to play by the rules.
It amuses me to realize that there really are specific dating rules. My friend who joined me at the Meetup a couple of weeks ago was evidently very popular among the women in his part of the crowd.
He exchanged numbers with at least one girl, who he thought was cool.
Until she texted him the next night, wanting to hang out.
When I saw him again, I said, “it must be kind of flattering, right, to have someone so into you that they want to hang out again?”
The answer, evidently, was no.
He won’t hang out with her, even if she is cool, because she was so available to him.
The phrase “you remind me of my ex” should never be spoken when first meeting someone.
And, in fact, strike it from your lexicon altogether. When I dug deeper into my friend’s reluctance to give this over-eager girl another chance, he told me that she said to him, “you know what? You remind me a lot of my ex-husband, only you’re more social.”
That’s when I stopped pestering him. That girl does not need a chance to hang out with my friend. If I could talk to her, I would tell her that she’s just not ready to put herself out there. Breakups are a healing process. Breaking up a marriage takes even more time to get over.
When you get someone’s number, it’s best to call. Not text.
This is another tip for the guys. We know it’s significantly easier to text someone. You don’t have to put yourself out there to hear “no” and somehow it’s easier to text someone and never hear from them again instead of calling to find out she’s busy washing her hair/dog/grandmother.
If you call, though, we remember. You get bonus points. We think it’s cute when you’re nervous.
If you give him your number, you should wait for him to call.
This one’s for the girls, and is especially true if the exchanging of numbers were your idea. Wait for him to call. If he hasn’t called within three days, you have two choices. You can write him off, or you can try to set up a date with someone who didn’t think enough of you to pick up the phone after three days.That’s all for now, friends! I could go on (and on) but these were a few quick observations from the last couple weeks.