Most dating advice you get is terrible. The tactical, micromanaging details you seek out like “should I text him now, or tomorrow morning?” aren’t particularly helpful. Any answer beyond “whatever you would do normally” is meaningless. This goal here is to see whether you (the way you are when you are not asking people for details on texting strategies) like the other person. If the woman is weirded out by the fact that you answered her text message immediately, well then, maybe this isn’t a woman with whom you would be interested in spending a lot of time around? Just a thought.
The most useless question you can possibly ask of a friend is “What does it mean when…?” Nobody knows.
Everybody is different, and everyone responds to the same situation differently. To make the assumption that a person with absolutely no knowledge of the scenario (outside of incredibly biased information that you give them) is going to be able to make a useful analysis of a particular circumstance is asinine. “What does it mean that he texted me back right away yesterday, but hasn’t responded to me for two hours?” I have no idea. Maybe he’s trying to play it cool? But maybe he’s out to dinner with a friend, or at the movies, or in his car, or… or…. or.
What does it mean that she canceled the date on me last second? Dunno. Maybe she’s a flake who had a better offer come up at the last second? But maybe she’s ill, or her dog had to be taken to the emergency room for eating an electrical cord, or her friend needs a shoulder to lean on tonight, or she had a last-second project for work come up and can’t really spare the evening, or… or… or.
People deliberately obfuscate their communications in the early stages of dating in an attempt to, I don’t know, seem more important? attractive? Regardless of the reason, most people (men and women alike) do it. The examples are everywhere:
- You deliberately don’t answer a text message right away
- You wait to return a call for a day or two
- You are guarded in your opinions and don’t respond to a probing question with complete clarity
And on and on.
Micromanaging these lines of communication is de rigueur in the dating world, so be prepared to deal with it. It’s common dating advice, too: you have to seem busy. You can’t let the other person know you’re thinking about him or her all of the time. It comes off as overeager (whatever that means) or, worse, desperate. Play it cool. Don’t rush into sex too soon. Don’t tell him or her such and such about you just yet.
Part of it, I think, is an attempt to keep yourself emotionally guarded in the event that the guy or girl you can’t get out of your head pulls the plug on you and you’re suddenly left exposed and sad, frustrated, angry. This behavior, of course, is in complete conflict with what building a relationship is all about: trust, sharing, emotional vulnerability. These are the very things that you are shelving while trying to “get to know somebody.” It is, in a word, stupid. The reality: Nobody is that busy, that important, that interesting. Keeping some sort of mystery in the equation does nothing more than establish unreasonable expectations that no man or woman can possibly live up to.
If you’re looking to build a relationship, then the point of dating should be to get to know the other person as honestly as possible. Relationships are all about trust and sharing and emotional vulnerability. You have to be willing to become vulnerable. You’ll get hurt, yes. But that’s dating, for you.